Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I talk about having fibromyalgia a lot. But it’s something that is a huge part of my life. It’s something I have to deal with all day (and night) every day. I have to take a combination of medications to get things under control. I am constantly inconvenienced by pain, but more often I’m affected my brain just not working! I am often exhausted not just physically but mentally.
My experience with mental fatigue, is quite literally fog like. I often feel like it feels like when a bad storm is rolling in on the horizon. To me, it often feels like a “thick, deep” pressure in my brain that really doesn’t seem to have an origin or ending. I didn’t even realize that something was “wrong” in my mind until I was finally seen by a neurologist, who believed my hunch that I was suffering from fibromyalgia. He then prescribed me an anti-seizure medicine, that would make a difference if it was fibromyalgia, and not really have any significance if it wasn’t. It took exactly 48 hours for the medicine to start working and it was so life changing, I think I cried for like 3 days from all sorts of emotions. It feels like a scene from a cartoon; I’m not even sure which cartoon I’ve seen this visualization from, but It’s like the “fog” literally rolls up and out like a sleeping bag, and the sun comes out and the birds start singing!
I don’t think I can ever purposely live my life without this particular medication ever again. I really think this is because one of my major symptoms (even with medication) is fibro-fog. I really don’t feel like I have control of my brain. I recently ran out of my medication because of the coronavirus. I’ve since gotten everything worked out, but I really think I had forgotten how bad this fog is. Currently this isn’t even a flare, just mental fog. I feel like I’m not all there. I feel like I’m mentally slower than normal. I am also exhausted mentally. I wake up in the mornings and feel like I have stayed up all night taking the equivalent of the ACT test. That feeling doesn’t really subside during the day. I just kind of have to make do with that mentality and energy all day long; while parenting two kids, taking care of the house, and cooking meals, and home schooling my oldest. It’s not that easy. In fact, if you ask me it’s hard! (AF)
I feel like this symptom is quickly skimmed over when you read about fibromyalgia. It’s not “sexy” like pain and physical disability. I feel like even though I have read many many articles and spoken to many doctors, I wasn’t told of how debilitating that the mental fatigue is. It’s one of the hardest things for me to deal with. It’s easy to say “I don’t feel good” or “my body hurts” and people know exactly what you’re talking about. But it’s not as clear how “I’m just tired” or “I’ve got fibro-fog” is, or how serious it is for sufferers. I feel like no one ever really understands or takes it seriously when I’m feeling sluggish, because I don’t “look” sick, I’m not “actually” sick. I feel like it gets brushed off quite a bit. I feel like if you have a headache you are able to take something and sleep it off and feel better and people have empathy for that because everyone knows what a “bad” headache is like. But when I’m suffering from fibro-fog I feel like everyone just thinks I should just push through, I’ll feel better tomorrow, etc. But there’s no recovering from this fog. You either wake up with it or you don’t, you make it through the day without it or you don’t. There is no amount of sleep that makes this symptom feel better.
This is the struggle I’ve been dealing with for the past few days, while I wait for my neurologist’s office to refill my prescription. This is what I’m wading through while writing this post, while planning my posts for the week, the week’s social media, and planning filming projects. And I can honestly tell ya’ll that it is NOT going well. I’m really just hoping that you can even read this and that I can make it day by day until I can get my brain under control. So for the time being please have empathy for my foggy, exhausted brain! Stay home, stay safe, and wash your dang hands.
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